Looking for Love? Get ready to take a roller coaster ride of your life. Marla Martenson knows more about the joys and perils of love, romance and dating than anyone could ever imagine. As a professional love counselor who operates a Beverly Hills matchmaking service, she has seen it all.

In Diary of a Beverly Hills Matchmaker, Marla Martenson divulges the real life stories of the people she has tried to get to hook up. She shares her hilarious adventures and the incredibly daunting daily challenges as she tries to run her business and keep her self esteem from imploding in a town where looks are everything and money talks.

Martenson offers up a veritable panoply of insights to help people find success in finding the right person.

Martenson answers our most common love questions:

What If He’s Not Marriage Material Now, But I Can See The Potential?

Forget it, ladies! Find a man who already has the qualities you are looking for. Don’t think that with your encouragement or advice that he will change into what you want him to be. So many women are so eager to fall in love and get married that they give a guy credit for qualities that he doesn’t have and won’t ever develop. Don’t fall for a guy until you know all that you need to about him. You want a man with good character and the qualities that are important to you now, not possibly someday.

Don’t commit or marry a guy if:

He is jealous and it has been an issue in his past relationships.

He abuses drugs or alcohol. An addict will always give priority to his addiction. You cannot save him or change that; the desire to change has to come from within him.

He is gay and you think that you can change him.

He tries to isolate you and makes you give up your friends and activities that you enjoy.

He makes fun of you or tells you that you are stupid.

The Guy I’m Dating Hasn’t Said, “I Love You” Yet. Should I Tell Him First?

No, don’t be the one to say those words first. Once you say it, it’s “out there,” and if he doesn’t return the sentiment, oh boy, will things be awkward from then on. If it has been more than six months and he can’t say, “I love you” then consider moving on. Don’t waste your time. Chances are, if he can’t tell you he loves you, he won’t marry you either.

He Says He Doesn’t Want More Kids. I Think I Can Change His Mind, Though. Should I Risk It?

Don’t ever think that you are going to change someone. Having children is a huge commitment, and if the person you are thinking of getting involved with is not on the same page as you are, then either accept it or move on. I have heard of women getting pregnant even though the man told her that he does not want more kids, or trying to trap a man into getting married because they are pregnant. What a disaster that is. The man feels betrayed and resentful, the relationship will most likely end, and our society has another child from a broken home.

Is It A Good Idea To Ask A Man Out? Is It True That Men Like To Be The One To Pursue?

Conventional wisdom says “No, its the man’s job to do the pursuing,” but in the modern world we can nudge them along a little bit. Guys have of tough deal: always having to pursue and getting rejected a good deal of the time. If a man is showing some interest you can go ahead and try one of these techniques. Don’t actually use the word “date” or “go out with me.” You don’t want to sound too serious. You can always say something like “I’m going to be in your area for a meeting, would you like to meet for a drink?” A drink can turn into a dinner or a whole evening if things are going well.

You can also ask him for advice. If he is a computer whiz, for example, or knows a lot about cars and you are in the market to buy one, then you can always offer to buy him a drink for his help. Subtlety is the key. You can suggest doing something together without seeming like you are the aggressor or chasing him. The man likes the challenge and the hunt and if it comes too easy, he might lose interest quickly. A man is biologically hardwired to do the chasing. And as far as who pays for what, if the man asked you out, then let him pay. If you suggest an outing, then you should pay.

I’ve Been Told I Am Too Honest. Isn’t It Good To Speak Your Mind And Let A Man Know What Your Opinion Is On Things?

These days women are more educated, independent and opinionated than any other time in history. We love to speak our minds. Men appreciate an intelligent lady, but they also still enjoy being the man and giving advice and help to their woman. My husband loves the fact that I am intelligent and successful, but he still loves to play the traditional role of the man in our relationship. “I’m the man of the house,” he proudly tells me. That means he wants to watch out for me, make important decisions and give me advice — not so much the other way around.. It is important for a man to know that his advice and opinion is respected and listened to. As for women, it’s okay to not sound off on everything that comes to our mind.

How Do I Tell A Guy That I Don’t Want To See Him Again?

Unfortunately, chemistry is not negotiable. Even if he seems perfect on paper and your mother would love him, if you don’t feel the chemistry for romance it’s not going to work. If he is a really great guy and you enjoy spending time with him, you can always turn him into a friend. Be diplomatic about telling him — you don’t want to hurt his feelings or bruise his ego. You can just tell him that you realize that since there aren’t a lot of romantic sparks, you two will probably end up being great friends. Help him to understand that you are not rejecting him, but be clear and firm about the way you feel. I think it’s charming to say, “Chuck, I wish that I could sprinkle some chemistry dust over us because you are such a great guy, but I would love to be friends!”

I Have Been Dating A Guy For Two Months, We Get Along Great, But He Has Never Introduced Me To Any Of His Friends Or Family.. When I asked Him About It He Changes The Subject. Should I Be Concerned?

You should absolutely be concerned. If a man refuses to include you in his personal life in this way, it is a huge red flag. Either he is seeing another woman as well, is married, gay, ashamed of dating you, or some other reason that you might never find out. None of these scenarios are acceptable, so if he doesn’t come clean on why he is avoiding it, my advice is to move on.

Is it true that a strong and financially successful woman intimidates men?

Financially successful women have told me for years that they have trouble getting into a relationship because most men are intimidated by their success. It isn’t the fact that the woman makes a high salary. The men that I meet appreciate that. They like the fact that a woman is not trying to get her hand in his wallet, but can take care of herself. They like dating intelligent capable women, however, the problem arises for strong, assertive, independent and successful women when the very characteristics that make them successful at work can make them unsuccessful in relationships. She needs to remember to let the man pursue, and let herself show her feminine side. A man wants to feel that he is doing the pursuing. Don’t behave in the dating arena the same way you behave in the business world. Let the man take the lead, men like to feel needed and capable. You can make all of the money you want and climb the corporate ladder, be tough as nails on the job, but when you are with him, let yourself be soft and feminine.

Relationships are wonderful and beautiful. But sometimes finding the right one takes time. It’s best develop a plan, know what you are looking for, and be prepared to go where no man or woman has ever gone before.

Diary of A Beverly Hills Matchmaker is available at bookstores nationwide and online.