Women and fashion. An intersection most straight men probably don’t fully understand. But that’s not to say we don’t appreciate the two. I love watching womens’ fashions evolve like an ever-changing art show. But the real art is of course, the woman underneath.

The clothing is merely a new frame meant to enhance the natural beauty already present and coax the viewer into taking another look at an already familiar form. But with so many fashions coming and going in and out of style, I imagine it is hard to keep track of all of the choices.

Here are five choices that you may love, but we men can’t stand.

1. Gladiator Sandals

Evoking sweaty, scantily clad men, this modern sandal has spread further than the Roman Empire itself. But why? I just can’t remember the last time I found anything relating to gladiators remotely attractive. All I can think of is 300 star Gerard Butler gleaming and flexing in the sun and…oh wait, I get it.

2. The Neo-Hippie Look

Fringe. Feathers. Beaded headbands. It’s all too Pocahantus for my taste. Unless free-love accompanies these summer of love era throwbacks, I’m not interested. It was novel back then. It’s unimaginative recycling now. If you are gonna recycle fashion, skip ahead and bring back short shorts and mini skirts! Throw in a pair of roller skates and you’ll be every man’s Heather Graham in Boogie Nights fantasy come true. Unless of course, you were going for the Pocahantus look…

(Elle)

3. Bubble Dresses

It looks like you are wearing a bag. I can’t say this any more clearly. There are no flattering lines. There are no suggestive shapes. It’s a bag. And you’re wearing it.

(stylehive)

4. Uggs

I was pretty sure that everyone was clear on this, but let me shout it from the mountain for those who missed it: UGGS ARE OUT! Here’s my reasoning. When I see a beautiful woman with a big furry boot attached to the end of her leg strolling under the California sun, all I can think of is her hot, sweaty foot inside. Total turn off. Now after explaining this to a female friend, she assured me that they are in fact, quite well ventilated. And given their popularity, I don’t doubt it. However the average man doesn’t know that. He hasn’t tried one on. All he knows is fur + boots = sweaty foot funknasty.