Let me just say that there are lots of things that I like about Dr. Oz. He’s like the guy friend who wouldn’t mind running to the store to pick you up a box of tampons and watching Sleepless in Seattle with you (yet again).

But ever since I started watching his show (sporadically, I admit), I can’t help but come to the conclusion that as knowledgeable as he is about ALL TYPES of health issues (and women’s health issues in particular), I just don’t think I want him at my party.

Yeah, the hypothetical dinner party scenario that I created in which I had the option (and contact information) to invite the Oprah-approved, “McDreamy-esque” M.D.

The thing is, he’s a downer! And here are a few reasons why:

1. He hates fashion: Isn’t that the whole reason we go out (or host these shindigs) in the first place?! To show off our new living room set…or, YES, our stylish threads, too! But his take on your cute pumps? Those dangly earrings?? The jeans that make your ass look great?!? They’re “killer”… and not in the cool, post-rock concert descriptor sorta way . The last thing I’d want is fashion critiques all night from the guy who’d probably come wearing scrubs to the party anyway.


2. He hates gas: OK, so we ALL hate gas. What we hate more? Talking publicly about the foods that cause it (but somehow he manages to get people to do it!). But someone with that much knowledge about flatulence-inducing foods is not going to be able to hold his tongue long enough to get through even the appetizer course. Either that or he’ll be passing out Beano like party favors.


3. He hates brunettes*: Though I appreciate the concern, this one hit especially hard because when it comes to women, our hair is often times an extension of us, in more ways than one. So why crush the masses, one strand at a time? Because he’s Dr. Friggin Oz. Although he offered up solutions to the balding and thinning that dark-haired women are more susceptible to, it wasn’t only after he had sufficiently exposed the young volunteer’s bleak follicular future (compared to her fairer-haired counterparts). Left to his own devices at the party, it really will be blondes having more fun.


4. He hates the dance art form: OK, this one’s a toughie since he definitely gets points for being down to showcase his not-so-fluid dancing abilities on national TV. But have you seen some of the moves he’s working with? It may not be the one deal-breaker, but just make sure nothing breakable (a vase…a guest) is nearby.

★ REDEEMING REASON THAT MAY GET HIM TO THE PARTY? ★

Two words: Hangover cures.

*(Except for his lovely wife. ::wink::)