Terror Alert: Fast Food Restaurants…

…but we already knew that, now didn’t we.

And yet, there’s some hateful crazy person in a lab somewhere allowed to concoct bigger and better ways to kill us – one drive-thru order at at time.

Not too far off the heels of the highly publicized launch of KFC’s meat-on-meat Double (*gag*) Down deathwich, is the Carl’s Jr. Footlong Cheeseburger. (I’ll give you a moment.)

Think about that. Sane readers will ask, WHY??? Others took that moment to jump in their car…

I acknowledge the fact that while many of us will mock this creation, that crazy-lab-person-who-hates-humanity will probably be laughing all the way to the bank (see: Stats below).

But while some are hits, and some are misses, fast food chains will continue to test our caloric boundaries, even to the point where Americans no longer recognize themselves – or their “foods”. Why?? Because, we’ll eat the nuggets anyway!

(It’s a sick love affair that’ll just end badly…or, at least, with a line of scented candles.)

A sad look at recent are-you-friggin-serious?!?-face-inducing meals that, sadly, people are still likely to eat (though it’s not always as simple as to blame it on a penchant for the unhealthy foods made even unhealthier*):

1. Carl’s Jr. Footlong Burger: The 3-meat-patty-filled sandwich makes its own unique statement in the world of fast food. That statement being: Suck it, Big Mac [via BuzzFeed]

2. KFC Double Down: lots of fried meat-on-greasy meat action that may be too hot for TV. But apparently, it wasn’t too hot for millions of kids and adults to consume in person. [Image via]

3. Tesco’s Lasagna Sandwich: currently sold in Britain; at 500+ calories, originally marketed as a “snack”. Yeah, at 500+ calories, I’m gonna need you to try again. [via NY Daily News]

4. Friendly’s Ultimate Grilled Cheese BurgerMelt: 3 different sandwiches coming together in unholy (and indigestible?) matrimony [via Fox News]

5. Sonic’s Quarter Pound Footlong Hot Dog: To their credit (whatever that’s worth in the crappy-food-making business), they put out their footlong wiener before Carl’s jumped into the long-food-fetish-y mix. (Don’t worry Subway, your intentions were always pure.) [Image via]